


Quiet

by sylvancat



Category: Vorkosigan Saga - Lois McMaster Bujold
Genre: F/M, M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-31
Updated: 2011-08-31
Packaged: 2017-10-23 07:31:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/247746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sylvancat/pseuds/sylvancat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bothari once told Cordelia he was a bastard, literally. Sometimes he goes home. He took Kou there once to get laid, and it all went south. The quote from Impsec's report went something like, “He has a favorite girl in the Caravanserai. Apparently he likes her because she never makes any noise. I don’t really want to think about that.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Quiet

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jetta_e_rus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jetta_e_rus/gifts).
  * In response to a prompt by [jetta_e_rus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jetta_e_rus/pseuds/jetta_e_rus) in the [2011_bujold_fest](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/2011_bujold_fest) collection. 



> For the prompt; Bothari at his age of thirteen suffers but lets nobody to break him. According to the novels, realistic, hard, frankly. No any miraculous escape.  
> Canon violence, trauma, language and non-graphic child abuse. I like Bothari, he's such a complex character, so thanks for the prompt! I'm sorry this is short, just stream of conciousness, quick and unbeta'd, but I hope it's close to what you wanted!

Tricks who came in quietly through the side door always had money and a sneer. They gave the boss fake names, but their fake names always started with Vor something because they wanted respect and they acted like Vor assholes, when even a stupid kid like Konstantin Bothari could tell the nearest they’d ever get to a real Vor was when they got the chance to lick Vor boots.

The VorTricks always came around when the house got a new girl. They paid extra for the new ones, the ones that screamed. The men liked to make the girls scream, so a lot of the whores screamed just whenever, even after they weren’t new anymore. Some of them never got out of the habit and Kon doesn’t blame them, but he never liked listening to it.

So Kon knew he was supposed to yell and scream and carry on like he was dying. He’s not stupid, no matter what they say. He'd have to to pay his way now, and earn enough for the days his ma was “sick” too. But it _hurt_ , and Kon knew better than to let on when it really hurt like that. Asking for it, that was, and Kon was always tougher than people thought who just looked at his size. So he didn’t scream that first time, not once, bit right through his lip making sure he didn’t and the Vor bastard laughed at the blood. Told him it just made it harder to tell which end he was fucking. Thought his little joke was so funny he said it again when he complained to the management about Kon. Said he wanted a refund or a guarantee next time they’d give him a boy who wasn’t so butt ugly he couldn’t tell the difference. No tip, and his ma hit him, after the boss did.

She was really drunk then too, missing half the time she swung at him so he wouldn’t have felt it much at all if he hadn’t been so sore. So maybe she didn’t know that. About the boss, and how much he hurt already. But Ma didn’t hit that hard, and he wasn’t listening to all the drunk crap she said, it was just what the bastard trick said, and she was just mad because a kid, a new kid, was supposed to bring in a bonus, and it was Ma's fault as much as Kon's luck she got herself knocked up by an ugly bastard.

So it didn’t bother him that Ma was crying and coughing so hard while she said all that stuff the boss told her the trick said while she was hitting at him because it didn’t really hurt, none of it registered at all, because he didn’t listen. He didn’t say anything, or cry either. Kon sure didn’t scream.

He didn’t need to, because she was making enough noise for both of them and smearing her face doing all that, so she was just as ugly as him and couldn’t make any tips either. She wasn’t hurting him, he was just mad because he was tired and he just wanted to go to sleep. Boss already told him he’d have to do better tomorrow night, learn to put on makeup like a frill and make some goddam noise.

Kon didn’t answer her when she said that, never was gonna scream for the tricks. Because he didn’t want to, and he figured everybody else made enough noise for them and him both and being quiet just made them mad. Kon liked making them mad. Sometimes being quiet made them scared, and he liked that even better.

But he got sick of never getting a payout, so he started to talk to the tricks, at least. Kon learned he could say what was on his mind and some of the tricks liked that. Even when they yelled at him and hit him to shut him up they tipped, which kept the others off his back and bought the good stuff that made Ma laugh sometimes.

Kon got big too, really big, big enough everyone expected him to be tough. That helped, because it’s not so bad to be an ugly bastard if you’re scary too. He still hates screaming though, even when it’s someone else screaming. So he learned how to shut them up fast.

The Army taught him that, among other things. The Army was good like that. Kon liked being a soldier, liked it more than anything. He joined up to get out of the Caravanserai, but the Army got to be more than an escape. The Army actually wanted Konstantin Bothari. They liked that Kon was big and mean and didn’t talk much. They fed and clothed and taught him like his Ma never did. They didn’t care that he was ugly, didn’t know what Kon was or what his ma did. They called him just Bothari, or Private, Sergeant sometimes, if he hadn’t screwed up recently. He liked when the new ones called him sir. Nobody but the damn Vor got to call Bothari any kind of bastard, because anymore he was a big mean bastard. Bothari still didn’t like hearing it, but he knew that was a compliment to a soldier, so he let it slide, never let on that it was true before the Army too.

Bothari got to buy his own whores once he started getting Army pay, and he tipped every time, even the stupid bitches that wouldn’t shut up when he told them to. Kon never did learn to like a talky whore. He knows what the talk really means, no matter what a whore says. Even now, Kon likes it quiet so he doesn’t have to think about it, so he can just get it over with. He can respect the ones tough enough to stay quiet and smart enough to figure out he'll tip better when they do. But the one time Bothari said something about that in the barracks, the other grunts all looked at him like he was thirteen again. No respect. So Bothari put the first one to say shit in the hospital, and he went to the brig. When he got out they’d all learned not to talk to him again.

And Bothari spent enough time in the brig he remembered how to shut up. Good thing, really, with all the crap that happened later. He was really tired after all that, worse than the first time when he was just a kid, a whore’s bastard. They looked at him, gave him drugs and poked around in his head, but mostly figured the big bastard was too stupid to know what they were doing. Bothari did know, knew and remembered a lot more than anybody expected but he kept quiet, mostly. And that worked out fine, at least once he got through the worst parts. Just like it always did.

Then they won't let him be a soldier anymore because he finally screwed that up too but the General gave him a place anyway. Nobody will tell him why, so he keeps quiet and seems like he does all right. Then he learned how to sleep again. And after that, sometimes he can even forget how tired he is.


End file.
